Things left unsaid

The long slow process of mourning the childhood I never had

Glimmers of deep pain shining up from the mouth of someone

As they talk to their mom

The mom says all the right things

My brain whispers “if only someone had said those things to me as a child.”

Some people say “no one comes out of childhood unscathed”

But what if scathed is third degree burns

What if these are your wounds

The fluids of your tears

Filling every crevasse 

Instead of reconciliation/love

Just a sweet sore spot, like a cavity

That stings when you bite down

Except instead of biting you are hearing others talk about mom and dad

Love is all

I love myself

Do you love yourself? 

Loving yourself is hard earned. 

Many sleepless nights wondering what can fill the void. 

No change until you turn the tide of insecurity.

Doing a Sun salutation as it loses “in” and becomes security

My life was so short

Until I really began living.

My coworker jokes “no one loves me!” after I tell her I am married.

But her eyes tell a different story.

She states succinctly “I don’t need anyone to love me. I love myself and that’s all i need!”

I told my family “It’s good that they have people who love them ” 

Then I corrected myself “actually… it’s the only thing that matters.”

Love is all.

All is love.

The Animal Inside

When we run away from ourselves, what is lost? 

Everyone wants to be saved, but no one wants to be a savior.

Stories of the past chill our bones and rot our motivation.

Everyone wants to be saved, but no one wants to be a savior.

Fences of fear override our senses.

Everyone wants to be saved, but no one wants to be a savior.

“I’ll be your savior” says the person outside the fence.

“What are you?” I say.

“I am an animal, the self you left behind.”

“Everyone wants to be saved, but only I can be your savior.”