I worked so hard, I truly chose the path less traveled for the glimmer, the mere spec of myself. I think the path less traveled is less glamorous and beautiful than the one most traveled. If we can catch even a glimpse of our true selves, the journey will have been well worth it. Like the turtle in kung fu panda showed Po, the secret to success and one's journey isn't external to oneself. It is in yourself.
I hope all this makes sense. Sometimes I wonder if our mental illnesses and distortions are simply growing pains. For only when one notices the absence of something does someone know what that something is.
I think as children we are mindful, as children are for the most part, present beings. But as we grow and change, we realize the absence of our youthful joy and presence. Only when we notice this absence of generous wellness do we realize that we desperately crave the presence of the past.
When I was meditating in the hospital, I found that my mental health symptoms made me grateful for the times when I didn't have the symptoms. I was avoiding reality back when I was a child but I found that my own presence helped me cope with the difficulties of my childhood. This presence would later become instrumental in helping me cope with my mental illness. In an optimistic way, I think that my mental illness allowed me to develop my own mindfulness to the point where I was able to cope with regular life in a much healthier way. External things can help, but at the end of the day you need to train your brain to be in control of your own destiny.
It's this mindfulness that allows the mental control of one's own destiny. I appreciate my own mindfulness for the benefits it reaps and, in a much more personal way, for the person I become when I am meditating. I become a person who is calm, balanced, and always ready to give someone affirmation. I love being myself. I feel like I am only truly myself when I meditate.
This doesn't mean that it is easy to meditate. Many times I have struggled with meditation... If not struggling with the perceived judgement of others, or my own fear of triggering my psychosis with my meditation, many things make me to this day terrified of meditation. I work hard, however, to do it anyways. In some ways it's the most terrifying rollercoaster ride you can go on. But, it's the most important thing for my own health. I find that when I am meditating, I am much healthier and come back from my meditation feeling refreshed and peaceful.
I have been meditating since I was a child, and I know that many were not as precocious as I was in learning to meditate at an early age. I was lucky enough to be involved in the treatment of someone I love who chose meditation as part of their therapy. I was blessed to have this experience of finding meditation so early. I knew then as I know now, that I was going to become very good at this art.
I think it can be really helpful to learn to meditate for mental health and spiritual reasons. I hope you receive the same blessings I have received from my practice. Love to you and everyone!🐢
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