I dream of a safer future 🌈

Hello,

I dream of a safer future. As I looked at the kids crowded together in the local pride event, person-sized pride flags hanging on their shoulders, cascading down their backs, I think to myself how safe one of them looks. They look so carefree, safe, without a care in the world. I hold back tears because they feel safe, a dream that many of us had for kids and our own children. 

A dream that is mostly ignored at this time by some. The dream that one day our love and relationships would be considered as valid as those of the heterosexual majority. As a bi woman I feel like things are so complicated now. Being able to pass as a straight person makes loving so complicated. I wish sometimes that it was more straightforward and I was just simply someone who went one way or the other. Just the simplicity of one gender. 

Sometimes I want to disappear into a sea of similar folks. The delusion that a normal exists is a powerful one. I feel so sad that I chose a man and at the same time, this man is the only one I could ever choose. I feel like being queer is not something you choose, but you can choose to some extent whether you act on your feelings. I sometimes reminisce about what made me fall in love with my husband. I really do prefer women but in some way or other my husband has succeeded in capturing the flighty sparrow of my heart. 

Our love reminds me of those poems where the writer says, "somewhere along the way, I realized that it was this person all along." Just a casual friendship that somehow developed into something more. I am so happy to be able to love. Simply being able to love is a miracle. 

Living in the US, the sunset of our current times looms over lgbt culture and history. The sad thing is that none of us asked for this impossible conundrum. None of us asked to choose between who we love and a normal, stable, life. Noone asked for the decision that when made will stab us with a thousand thorns. 

Life is so ephemeral and it's not worth fighting over.

Life is so ethereal and I will lose myself in my own love.

One is obviously more real to those of us privileged to know. 

Living in the world as a bi person, we straddle the line between both options and knowing these two options exist inextricably complicates the decision of our relationship partner. Regardless of how you are, I hope that someday we can live in a world where noone is forced to choose, where lgbt acceptance is a as simple as peanut butter sliding over a piece of bread. All we need is the jelly (our love) to make this sandwich complete.